los angeles burger bracket

i’ll finish this blog. one day. but for now, enjoy this video of dave arnold making the “burger of the future” for eater ny. oh, my. 

so many photos of food on my phone - 

i don’t even know if this is the right one.  the platter and lighting doesn’t look quite right… but i am making it so, because at the counter, you can mix and match whatever sort of burger you want - it doesn’t matter what mine looks like!  i had been to this place a couple times before and i never felt like the burger warranted the wait, especially since i’m the kind of gal who likes someone ELSE to make up the dish. (hello, isn’t that what we’re paying you for?) but maybe the third time’s the charm (or: arriving late so your friends do all the waiting for you) because this time, my burger wasn’t half-bad. 

burger: 3 out of 5 stars. i think it was decent. i can’t remember! but i like that they serve beer here along with your meal :) i ALSO like that you can get “protein-style” burger in a bowl! 

fries: ?? out of 5 stars. don’t remember these either :( 

would i go back?
again??? no .. no thank you.  unless someone else waits in line and texts me once the table is ready. 

let me tell you a story about two friends + two burgers:

j1 and j2 were two boys who grew up as neighborhood friends in a small suburb of los angeles. both prided themselves on being “food enthusiasts” altho one was much more into healthy-eating than the other.  

*****

j1 and i went to an la institution known as apple pan.  having grown up in the ‘hood, j1 had many fond memories of this place - i’m assuming similar to the feelings i have about soon’s kalbi - so i totally understand his insistence that *this* burger in particular was THE best in the west.  i, on the other hand, not having this same history, had to differ…

burger: 2 out of 5 stars. totally over-rated! yes, patties, hickory, ham, whathaveyou - just because your place has been on the block for the past 50 years does not make it OK for you to be tame when it comes to seasonings. plus, this place prides itself on being a bit burger-nazi-ish when it comes to serving.  (cue: my favorite video ever)  

fries: 3 out of 5 stars. plus-one for some crispy, greasy, yummy fries.  you win this round, apple pan. 

would i go back?
ugh. as much as i hate this place, everyone keeps raving about it and i find myself going back time and time again to “give it another chance”.  the fact that it’s right around the corner from me doesn’t hurt.  so while i’d like to say “no thanks”, the reality is: “yes, probably.”

*****

j2 let me pick a place one rainy afternoon, and since literati cafe is near both of us, i decided: why not.  i had been to this place a few times, totally not-realizing it was actually *two* places in one!  luckily, i noticed there was no burger on the menu at the cafe and asked what the deal-io was before being redirected to the “bar & grill” side.  j2 apparently didn’t know this either as he waited in the cafe area for a while before we realized the mix-up.  while i enjoyed a most-tasty burger, he had a salad. lame.

burger: 3.5 out of 5 stars (day 1). it was way bigger than i anticipated, and way yummier as well.  i split the burger and brought the rest home as leftovers.  
3 out of 5 stars (day 2). brought half to work the next day and attempted to re-heat and eat.  busy day, and didn’t get to finish most of it, so i saved it. again. 
2 out of 5 stars (day 4).  a little grossed-out due to the fact that it had been days since it was originally made, but i heated it up again and hoped for the best.  boss walked by and commented, “are you eating a burger - again??” and i took it to mean that it looked like a different burger from the one i had been chomping on 2 days prior.  good or bad?

fries: 3.5 out of 5 stars. just as delicious on day 4 as day 1.  trust.

would i go back? 
ha! yes and no .. i love literati cafe and enjoy their coffee + sandwiches as much as their burger + fries, but for the cost .. i think i need to hold off for a while.

*****

the end.  

these have i loved:

• h. jon benjamin
• television
• burgers

now, three of my loves have combined in the hilarious new comedy “bob’s burgers” making me über-wish that i had dvr (but thank god for the internets).  in an obvious tie-in to the tv show, fast food chain fatburger decided to give away a few free patties the other day, reminding me that:

1. i still have this blog to finish
2. fatburger is on the list

so on to the review!

burger: 2 out of 5 stars. meh. an american classic for sure, and the option to fat-it-up is always a crowd pleaser for those who have the lucky option to not need (or care) to watch their weight.  this ‘burg serves up all the traditional fixin’s in a way that is not particularly spectacular, nor is it notably unappetizing.  i just don’t care about this place! (was that mean?)     

fries: 2 out of 5 stars.  not surprising, the fries are on-par with the burger. 

in short: middle of the road for middle of america. 

would i go back?
i can’t complain about the budget-friendly pricing, but to be honest, the name of the place is a total turn-off.  ”fatburger” just leaves a funny taste in my mouth.  

deadline’s approaching + i’m almost done with the list
still need to rate/rank:

- beechwood {SOMEBODY TAKE ME. PLEASE.}
- cafe stella {will prob be making a trek out to e.la in early july}
- 25 degrees {hopefully hitting this up soon}
- rustic canyon {making a pit-stop after work one day}
- apple pan {.. ugh ..}
- the counter {will pay someone $5 to pick-up an order for me + deliver}
- fatburger {again: after work}
- literati II {- surprisingly delicious! -}
- rush st {what? how did this place get on the list..?}

stay tuned for some fresh ish coming soon!

i never used to like bacon until i had the.best.bacon.cheeseburger. at a steakhouse in brooklyn (you may have heard of a tiny place called peter luger?) the thickest, juciest, fattiest cut of cured meat you could’ve imagined on a bed of medium-rare beef patty. i was :inlove: and have been a fan of all incarnations of pork ever since (it really is the miracle meat!)

that being said, i still feel guilty ordering burgers at steakhouses.  it seems wrong to go to a place that specializes in slicing + dicing a cow into other mouthwatering meals and asking them to grind a mish-mash of body parts into a ball, heat it up, and serve it with bread.  it’s the same reason i don’t usually order kobe beef burgers (hello, if you have a beer-massaged piece of meat, why dilute it?)

so while i’m sure the following places have amazing burgers (um. their steaks are certainly top-notch), i’m passing on their burgers for now:

- blt steak
- morton’s the steakhouse
- nick+stef’s steakhouse

more on bacon here

travelogue: guilty pleasure

whenever i think of in & out, i’m taken back to my college years visiting my sister in LA.  right before it was time to return to the cold hills of ithaca, we’d drive thru the LAX in & out and order a #2 animal style.  years later, even tho i tell people i hate onions, i still order the same thing although now i’m the one picking up my sister from the airport.

the best bang for your buck, this is hands down my favorite fast food burger (altho white castle certainly comes close.)  it’s oddly my “plus-one” burger - i won’t order it unless someone else suggests it.  still, it’s yummy, cheap, and according to morgan spurlock the “healthiest” fast food option out there:  never frozen, always blessed (they have psalms on their packaging. check it.)

- burger: _ out of 5 stars (i can’t rate this. it’s a classic!)
- fries: 1 out of 5 stars (even overdone, i can’t get over how they get cold+soggy so quickly. yuck. :p)

would i go back?
abso-f*ckin-lutely.  

the fifth taste

i had heard numerous musings and recommendations about this place since i started this blog - much akin to the rumors i had heard about “the hangover” - so by the time i made my way over to the old cobras & matadors spot i had a feeling there was no way this burger was going to live up to the hype. 

umami burger, a popular burger resto namedrop, has expanded to 4 locations from the shores of santa monica to the northern regions of hollywood.  each locale has a different feature: the beefnazi @ la brea, celeb-spotting in samo, etc.  my personal preference was the umami+salaryman bar because i’m a sucker for a cold beer with my burger.  who can resist the perfect adult happy meal: fries, burger, & beer?

we slid in to the last seating and a short while later, i was presented with the original umami burger.  cooked just the way i like it (slightly on the pink side - just enough so you can still faintly hear the sound of a calf crying in the distance), the burger was sufficiently tasty & filling enough for a gal trying to keep her girlish figure.  (the two grown men i was with, however, thought the serving size left a bit to be desired…) garlic aioli blah blah blah : let’s talk about the homemade ketchup: yumzville.

- burger: 4 out of 5 stars (def delicious, but seriously? let’s not overhype this. thanks.)
- fries: 4 out of 5 stars (condiments: holla! i always practice safe eating.)

would i go back?
yes, and looks like i will since i just got an atcost coupon… any takers?

a taste of americana

the classic pie n burger restaurant has a kitschy diner vibe complete with old school waitresses who take you back to the ol’ nick @ nite time period.  since retro is so trendy right now, namedropping this spot is still hip in some circles.  and by that, i mean: grandma ninny’s crew. what up, son(ny)?     

it had been written up recently by a few of my favourite publications coincidentally right after i had visited which made me wonder if i had missed something during my visit.  true, i only had a bite of their famous pie but not being a dessert person, i didn’t think i had missed much.  (cooked fruits: never a good idea. thanks.)  venturing way out of my eating radius (whoa. pasadena? seriously?), i’m not so sure this hometown hole-in-the-wall was worth the trek.  i love a good malt as much as the next guy, but if i wanted diner burger deluxe, i’d much rather head down the road to apple pan, sorry.

- burger: 3 out of 5 stars [tasty + traditional. thousand island, i know you are the big mac’s special sauce. don’t pretend you don’t know what i’m talking about.]
- fries: 3 out of 5 stars
- shakes: 4 out of 5 stars [special edition ranking bc hello, ice cream. i haven’t seen you ‘round these parts in a while.]

overall thoughts: it took me twice as long to get there and back as it did to actually eat there.  say what?? if you’re in the ‘hood, by all means drop by and have a meal.  if not - save this spot for a day trip out with the fam. 

would i go back?
only if i find myself lost in glendale again.  sigh.